Dilbert’s Words of Wisdom

  1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow’s not looking good either.
  2. I love deadlines. I especially love the swooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
  3. Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.
  4. Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.
  5. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn’t there the first time you need him, chances are you won’t be needing him again.
  6. I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
  7. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
  8. I don’t suffer from stress – I’m a carrier.
  9. Everybody is somebody else’s weirdo.
  10. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

Dilbert, a ‘man’ after my own heart. Number 2 on this list is my favourite.

Posted in Management Tagged with: ,

The brains of a four-year-ol

The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and establishes whether you are qualified to be a “professional”.

Scroll down for the answer. The questions are not that difficult.

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
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The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door.
This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator ?
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Wrong Answer : Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the door.
Correct Answer : Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant andclose the door.

This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your actions.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference; all the animals attend except one.Which animal does not attend?
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Correct Answer : The Elephant. The Elephant is in the refrigerator.
This tests your memory.

OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions, correctly, you still have onemore chance to show your abilities.

4. There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do youmanage it?
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Correct Answer: You swim across. All the Crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting!
This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.

According to Andersen Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong. But many preschoolers got several correct answers. Andersen Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four year old.

Posted in Management Tagged with: , , , , ,

Hotmail deal maker that doesn’t like travel

I’ve just spotted a profile on LinkedIn where the individual is offering:

  • £10,000 membership access cost (not quite sure what to)
  • £1,000 per hour deal making fee
  • £2,000 per hour travel fee

Do I deduce from that his deal making skills are not quite as good as his travelling capabilities? Or is he trying to avoid travel?

And then people are invited to contact him via his hotmail account? Mmm, I might leave that offer for now. I think he may be able to improve his B2B marketing though.

Posted in Marketing Tagged with: , , ,

Peter Drucker on Leadership

Peter Drucker on LeadershipI quite like Peter Drucker’s definition of a leader: “The only definition of a leader is someone who has followers.”

Some more on this can be seen here: www.entrepreneur.com, along with the thoughts about, “Leadership has nothing to do with titles.”

Posted in Management Tagged with: , , ,

Winnie the Pooh: my favourite quotes

Winnie the PoohPooh to Piglet, “Nobody can be un-cheered with a balloon.”

Piglet to Pooh, “Weeds are flowers too, once you get to know them.”

Pooh, “It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn’t use long, difficult words, but rather short, easy words like, ‘What about lunch?'”

And more great Winnie the Pooh quotes:

“Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.”

“My spelling is Wobbly. It’s good spelling but it Wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places.”

“Some people care too much. I think it’s called love.”

“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”

“Think, think, think.”

“I did know once, only I’ve sort of forgotten.”

Posted in humour, Odds and ends Tagged with: , , , ,

Tempted to move my web hosting

To get a company to fix a problem of their creation I had to demand the name and address of their CEO and resort to complaining Tweets to get a solution.

This was my experience last week when I had a ten-day running battle to get a DNS address changed for a website.

A combination of 1st line support people on the end of bad VOIP connections and a queue of people that refused to read the notes all added to the battle.

It’s now made me think of moving to a new service provider. It would be a bit of a pain with all the domains, email addresses and databases…but it is tempting. Perhaps I’ll just start a parallel account somewhere else and gently move.

Anyone got any good idea for a web hosting business?

Posted in Odds and ends Tagged with: , , , ,

From tally sticks to the Blockchain

I guess there is little that is totally new. Look at this…

The split tally was a technique which became common in medieval Europe, which was constantly short of money (coins) and predominantly illiterate, in order to record bilateral exchange and debts. A stick (squared hazelwood sticks were most common) was marked with a system of notches and then split lengthwise. This way the two halves both record the same notches and each party to the transaction received one half of the marked stick as proof. Later this technique was refined in various ways

Source: Tally stick – Wikipedia

And do read the rest of the piece on Wikipedia.

Then along came the Blockchain which addresses and solves similar problems. So it seems entirely appropriate that a Blockchain business should call themselves Tallysticks.

Posted in Marketing Tagged with: ,