Dear Mr Gates

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, “If Ford had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that go 1,000 miles to the gallon.”

In response to Bill’s comments, Ford issued a press release stating:

If Ford had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

  1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash…twice a day.
  2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road you would have to buy a new car.
  3. Occasionally your car would die on the motorway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
  4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre, such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
  5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive – but would run on only 5% of the roads.
  6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single, “This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation.” warning light.
  7. The airbag system would ask, “Are you sure?” before deploying.
  8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
  9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
  10. You’d have to press the “Start” button to turn the engine off.

PS: I’d like to add that when all else fails, you could call “customer service” in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign language how to fix your car yourself!

This sounds a bit apocryphal, I do hope it really is true.

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Poundworld claims take a pounding

What an interesting concept, the manager’s special being 3 to 9 times the price of the rest of the stock in store.

When is a pound shop not a pound shop? When it sells items for £8.99, according to the Advertising Standards Authority. Wakefield-based Poundworld Retail has come a cropper with the advertising watchdog after claiming “everything £1” on its website, only for an eagle-eyed shopper to complain after spotting in-store “manager specials” for £3 and £8.99. The ASA decided this amounted to misleading advertising and told Poundworld Retail “not to claim that all products were priced £1 unless that was the case”. To be fair, Eightpoundninetynineworld doesn’t have quite the same ring to it.

via Poundworld claims take a pounding | Media Monkey | Media | theguardian.com.

Posted in UK retail marketing Tagged with: , , , , , , , , ,

Voicemail apology

My voicemail has been going to an ether black hole. I’ve just fixed this; normal service resumed.

If you have left me a voicemail in recent weeks I won’t have received it. I wasn’t deliberately ignoring you.

My apologies.

 

 

 

Posted in Marketing

Web Design Week

#WebDesignWeek

Who thinks my colleagues are getting a little carried away? The idea was that our marketers at EMS Internet take on the web designers to see who can create the best website. They haven’t even got started yet and this video has appeared.

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Testing 1212

I just had a look at one of my experimental websites, Testing 1212. I set it up years ago. It is a static site that provides a glossary of terms for sound engineers.

It rather proves the point that content is king; I don’t maintain, edit or promote the site and it continues to get 2-3,000 visits a month.

Testing 1212 â

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TM Lewin get it right

I’ve recently become a bit of a fan of TM Lewin. This all started when I went to their store at Cheshire Oaks. The store manager successfully got me to try a shirt on for fit. Previously I had, rather arrogantly, assumed I knew best. The result was a near perfect fit for an off the shelf shirt: collar, sleeve and fit. Bricks and mortar shopping still works!

Last week I ordered 4 shirts from TM Lewin online. I had a Dickens of job trying to checkout using different addresses for the billing and delivery addresses. In the end I gave up and falsely entered the billing address (there were a couple of associated issues).

As is the way of world, I got an email from TM Lewin, via Feefo, asking for my opinion of the experience. I told them, politely of course. Low and behold…I got an email from a human that had read my comments and offering help. Well done TM Lewin and thank you for the your generosity as well.

Posted in UK retail marketing Tagged with: , , , , ,

Head-up display and hands free texting

Do you think this is a safe idea? Navdy are pre-selling their head-up (HUD) display for satnav and communications. With this you can now text ‘safely’ while you are driving, but I think this will be a distraction to drivers. Comment below with your opinion.

It does look a good piece of technology though. I wonder when/if it will be available in the UK?

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