Leslie Dawson, 1931 – 1993, was an English comedian, actor, writer, presenter, and pianist. He was known for his deadpan style, curmudgeonly persona, musical routines and jokes about his mother-in-law and wife. Here we go:
I said to the chemist, ‘Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?’ He said, ‘Why?’ I said, ‘She keeps waking up.’
I upset the wife’s mother the other Guy Fawkes Night. I fell off the fire.
People often ask me: “What’s the difference between a northern audience and a southern audience?” Frankly, as far as I’m concerned there’s no difference … they don’t laugh at me in the south either.
I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said ‘Are you going to help?’ I said ‘No, Six should be enough.”
He drank so heavy, the only thing that grew on his grave were hops.
I can always tell when the mother in law’s coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps.
My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we’re having a change. We’re going to let her in.
The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, ‘Mother, don’t just stand there in the rain. Go home.’
The wife’s run off with the bloke next door. I do miss him.
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed; I never knew they worked.
When we were courting, I told my wife: ‘I could live in your eyes.’ She said: ‘You’d be at home; there’s a stye in one of them.’
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