Looking for that descriptive line for a reference?

I tripped over this list just after I had sent a reference off. Shame, there are some good one liners.

• Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
• His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
• I would not allow this employee to breed.
• This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won’t be.
• Works well when under constant supervision when cornered like a rat in a trap.
• When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.
• He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
• This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
• He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
• Somewhere a village is being deprived of an idiot.
• This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.
• Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
• A gross ignoramus; 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
• He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless.
• I would like to go hunting with him sometime.
• He’s been working with glue too much.
• He would argue with a signpost.
• He has a knack for making strangers immediately.
• He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.
• When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.
• If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he’s the other one.
• A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
• A prime candidate for natural deselection.
• Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
• Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
• If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.
• If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change.
• If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
• It’s hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
• One neuron short of a synapse.
• Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.
• Takes him 1 1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes.
• The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

Kevin Harrington

I’m a UK-based B2B marketing consultant, specialising in strategic advice for SME business owners. I bring extensive hands-on expertise to every client engagement. Senior leadership roles across technology, media, payments, and publishing have shaped my practical approach. Highlights include serving as Chief Marketing Officer at The Panoply plc (now TPXimpact), Chief Commercial Officer at Tungsten Network, and Global Marketing Director at BBC Worldwide. Over the years, I’ve guided numerous SMEs through transformation and value creation. Helping businesses evolve and thrive is a genuine passion. Practical marketing insights and succession planning strategies are at the heart of what I do, as I believe growing a business’s asset value should be a rewarding and positive journey for every entrepreneur.

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